I used to think I understood people. Now, I don't think I do.

I don't understand how people can be so very cruel for no reason. Or...why they lash out the ways they do. I'm not so naive that I've never met cruel people, but... at least I could understand why they were the way they were. I didn't like it, and I can't stand being around those people, but....

Since coming here, I've met people who were just evil. And they hurt people I cared about.

And now...one of them hurt me. And I just can't understand it. Ed tried to explain, and I understand that what he did was because of Ed, but that doesn't make any sense to me. I don't even understand why anyone would want to hurt Ed in the first place.

But...well, I guess it's better he did it to me, and not Ed. That would be worse, I think.

It has changed things. I don't know how...I'd handle it if we were to be intimate with each other now. And I want to have that with Ed. I...I'm falling in love with him and I want to be with him. But...

I just wish I knew how to deal with this. I wish silly things wouldn't make me so sad. I wish I understood how someone could try and force someone. I don't think there's a more evil or vile action someone could take against another person.

And I really wish he hadn't sounded just like Ed.

( Important First Aide Information )

I killed something last night. Something alive.

I had to. But it was awful. I bloodied my hands. I'm not innocent anymore.

I wonder if it gets any easier....

The great castle stood, proud and tall amidst rolling green fields and crystal clear streams. A citadel of justice and truth and honor, its flags waved for righteousness! This was Camelot, the holy city of knights, renowned in legend and lore. And on the hallowed throne of Camelot, the most just and mighty of kings: Arthur Tamaki.

Night fell on Camelot. Darkness descended upon the reverent place, creeping into corners and covering the clandestine affairs of King and Knight alike.

The King’s chambers. Lavish and dim, his personal sanctuary. The King reclined, goblet of wine at his side and velvet robes draped about his lean and lithesome body. Candles and lanterns flickered, soft light that bathed the dark wooden furnishings in golden and bronze hues.

The door opened. It slid open on silent hinges, letting in a draft from the hallway. Enter the Knight, most trusted of King Tamaki’s men, Lancelot Edward Ironarm. Handsome and brave, wielding the most arcane and powerful of weapons, and hailing from a land of sorcery and honor…a knight forged in the rigors of battle, but with a heart of gold….

“Sir Edward.” The King leaned against his pillows, eyes shadowed with devotion. The king held out a hand, beckoning the knight to join him. For King and Knight were more than just King and Knight. Under the shadow of darkness in glorious Camelot, they fell into one another’s embrace. Oh, the touch of Edward’s lips, the feel of his

(Writing trails off as though the journal was snatched out of Tamaki's hands)

( Thoughts and Things )

Current Mood: confused

( The Romantic Adventures of Lord Tamaki )

( A Vampiric Fantasy )

Two people kissed me.

And both times... I think I liked it.

Current Mood: thoughtful

( The Adventures of King Tamaki - An <strike>Erotic</strike> Afternoon Interlude )

( The Story of King Tamaki - Part II )